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"i'm not it enough​!​"

by Brendan Butler

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1.
ponytail(s) 01:17
I haven't felt you in a while And it's fine but I miss you All that mess in the corner Well we'll get there when we get there Can't you pull on me harder I just need some attention Like a guardian angel Coming down through the ceiling Ultra uber ordinary We attack from different angles We brush our teeth with the same candle And someday we kiss in the middle I'm a pattern of rhythm That you see that certain way But if I put my hair up for you I could be what I wasn’t
2.
popular 03:06
So now we're naked and we have to make it right I think we're popular and its popular to try We are reducing and we let a volley fly And give no answers only reasons why And when were bigger people we'll go away at night Show me your fantasy I'll love you all the time You're not anything you're too honest when you lie I don’t want anything just to go away sometimes You said we're lucky that one day we get to die I said we're angels but I couldn't tell you why I'm tired of the dialogue I want to close my eyes There's the thing you are then there's the thing you recognize And when were bigger people we'll go away at night Show me your fantasy I'll love you all the time You're not anything you're too honest when you lie I don’t want anything just to go away sometimes
3.
I want to be there when the astronauts and ambulances go And when they fly the flags they're still half-mast you looked at me I don’t know And everywhere was caving in and we were only where we've been and it’s a joke, it’s a joke, it’s a joke I could be evil, why can't you take a joke? But you're not evil, I like it when we're holding hands I think the point might get across and maybe I am I don’t know There's always something if you're desperate I am desperate I am cold Then everyone just comes alive they pull the curtain dim the lights I didn’t know, I didn’t know, I didn’t know You could be evil, or was that just a joke I feel so evil, I've been sitting on my hands And if "I Am" was never there to be destroyed there's no control But I'm still scared and you're still scared and we're alive but I don't know That's them coming down the street but we're still hiding in the sheets there they go, there they go, there they go And they are evil, I wonder if they know That I am evil, I am holding in my hands And when we think the coast is clear we lock our eyes and we don't know We wanted to be in that number, resurrect and sing and float Until I find something else, I will see it in myself its in my throat, in my throat, in my throat You are so evil, and you can take a joke We are so evil, when we do what we can
4.
You are a superstition I don’t mind I am only vision and that’s fine It is falling down and I am home Prettier than what's in front of me There are only captives that’s not me But by February it’s a joke We are starving children but we'll be fine Look now we're so small that we're alright I want to give you more than I can Give you give you give you give you I'll hold and become you I will be with you Be yourself so I can forgive you But these suits are fascist and they're taking over I'll find you I'll find you I'll find you I'll find you One day we'll form our circle we'll be found But now we will suffer we will doubt Careful we could shoot each other down Focus I just wish that it would stay I'm not it enough anyway April then I don't know what to say We are starving children but we'll be fine Look now we're so small that we're alright I want to give you more than I can Give you give you give you give you I'll hold and become you I will be with you Be yourself so I can forgive you But these suits are fascist and they're taking over I'll find you I'll find you I'll find you I'll find you
5.
falstaff 03:45
Is what I'd say if you were here We forget so many things And when the moon comes back an ornament but I'm not reassured So go before I change my mind She is everything she can But when I fall asleep ill change my mind ill get what I deserved I am here I will vibrate I will be good enough to toss Food for powder food for powder we'll fill a pit as well as better He wont like us if we carry all these heavy things Now were upset we don’t know why Is who I'd be if I had known I am this and then I'm not We trade nebulas when no ones watching the things I will observe They were born from the same star The orchestra sounds like its melting Then in a week or two I change my mind I get what I deserve I am here I will vibrate I will be good enough to toss Food for powder food for powder well fill a pit as well as better My limbs have freed themselves I need or want more blankets I'm still awake I don’t know why So of course we act like animals The West™ got hurt trying to see So of course they made a man of us i was killed in front of me And there are gardens we planted gardens I'm just glad we could agree We could be angels or just be human What do you want to be I am here I will vibrate I will be good enough to toss Food for powder food for powder we’ll fill a pit as well as better We have bodies that remember and I wish that wasn’t true Take a guess I don’t know why
6.
Okay in a week or two I'll call I'll move against you if you want I know it’s a thing if its at all A recollection no we wont We can skip the scary parts Or I can tell you when to hide and seek I don’t wanna talk talk talk to you make another mess I crash another engine fails Like being this way is the hardest part But we'll be movie stars when we dream tonight At last at last we'll never die Oh the things I'm gonna say when I wake up Walked into the room and cut me off Your eyes burnt tunnels through my throat Two tongues of fire not enough But I could tell you were laughing I could tell Sometimes its easy its never hard I could be different but I'm not But when I think those things that make me think those things that make me think I'll crash the wedding you'll give up I don’t wanna talk talk talk to you make another mess I crash another engine fails Like being this way is the hardest part But we'll be movie stars when we dream tonight At last at last we'll never die Oh the things I'm gonna say when I wake up No I don’t wanna talk talk talk to you make another mess I crash another engine fails Like being this way is the hardest part I'm gonna fall asleep before I dream tonight And then someday I'll never die 'Cause there's nothing I could say when I wake up
7.
whose bones? 03:55
Alien am I warm enough For you to be awake and feel okay Hold me down let me shiver I want to be awake and feel okay When you come home The motion and the heat Show me the bones That waste between your teeth Idiot and you want it A ghost we dance we think that we're alive And we think there are angels A breath we sing that’s how they tell us why Leave me alone Emotional she weeps Show me the bones That anything could be
8.
It's hard not to forget your size Reaching up like a prophet I can touch the sky When you're a kid and you're so sure you won't die You're always catching your breath and you don't know why Everyone gets lonely sometimes So bleed out and we'll wait til you dry Everyone needs someone sometimes So come here I'll never ask you to try No one really wants to die But you and me we tell each other that we do all the time
9.
Golgotha I don’t mind when you go away Levitate you can dance until your fever breaks Until your fever breaks If you dream tell me what I'm like when I'm alone Synchronize or I wont be there when your fever breaks When your fever breaks We dress for the occasion I love you for no reason But if it never happens Guinevere will you leave the light on just in case I'm afraid so I don’t look at anybody's face Realize that we don’t say a thing and it’s a waste Don't look back I will be there when your fever breaks I believe that this attention wont divide it won't divide Does it notice our intention when we try or when we try Drive-thru California see the end of time the end of time Drive-thru California see the end of time the end of time

about

In my brain this album is like I'm playing the fiddle while The West™ burns and I don't really know who I am or what anything means or is and I'm scared of being alone but I'm just as scared of other people so all I can really do is find the things I do have that matter and hold on tight. Idk. Writing this album helped me figure some stuff out though. Like the world is still ending and I'm still kind of scared and alone but all these thoughts are now mise en place and with every passing day I'm starting to feel a little less scared and little less alone. Even when I feel like I'm not it enough like who is? What does that even mean? I'm not really sure! But it means something to me and I hope it means something to you.

credits

released November 18, 2022

Me- vocals and guitar (1-9), bass (2, 5, 6)
Zach Vogel (A.K.A. My Anthem)- production stuff (1-9), vocals (2, 6, 8), bass (4), percussion (2), trumpet (2, 6), violin (9)
Pepsi John- drums (4-6)
Luciano Catalfomo- piano (6, 8)
Jess Porter- vocals (6, 8)
Justin Hatch- guitar (4)
Logan "Were you gonna eat that?" Adams- album art

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about

Brendan Butler Binghamton, New York

i sing and write songs and play guitar and hopefully some other things someday. but if you live in NY and want some rock/folk stuff I'm your guy!!!

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